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By the wonderful Grace Farris.
P.S. Spring salad trends and mini vacations.
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A month ago I tried not to remember that it was the 20th anniversary of my mom dying. She was so young and we were close. I was 7 months pregnant with my 2nd child then. My first child was just turning 2years old so I was busy. And she was always so protective of me which makes me think she chose that time to die. It was impossible to grieve her death when I was so busy and surrounded by new life and she would have anticipated that. My 2 littles kept me so busy and got me through that her devastating death. Today I’m surrounded by 4 littles who got big and I know mom is smiling at us. Today has been a good day. Mother’s Day isn’t always easy but today it was.
Lovely! And thank you, Grace, for always being a bright spot of our weeks! Love your posts, your work, & your book.
When I was a child I had two elderly women friends. One was a really old lady with which I sat in front of their old farmhouse and watched her chickens while talking. One sweet memory was when she brought me inside to ice cream with a huge spoon.
One was my neighbour Veronica. She was an artist and had really little money and no fridge. She had no partner or children and I could feel the love she had for me which felt rare and special as other grown ups didn‘t give me the feeling I was loveable (teachers). I still remeber the way it smelled at her appartment – so peaceful.
Shout out to all the hour-moms who leave a positive lasting impact. You are noticed and fondly remebered.
Helene, this was so sweet. Thanks for highlighting other motherly figures in our lives!
I didn’t have children, but worked closely with several wonderful young men over a period of many years. I grew very fond of them but was always shy about expressing myself and just took a quiet enjoyment from our time together and from watching them all grow into exceptional young men. Eventually I got braver and opened up more. Sadly, one dear man/child was lost to us in a tragic accident at one of our events. I was able to take some small comfort from knowing that the very last thing I said to him was “I love you”. It’s been a few sad years now, and we carry on, as you do. Yesterday his warm and generous heartbroken mother texted me a photo of the two of us in happier days with a note saying “happy mother’s day to his other mother”. Tears for sure, but so, so grateful for the time I got to spend with him. If you’d like to meet this amazing and much loved son, this video is one that I return to again and again, just to hear his voice.
https://youtu.be/r3kjd-SCPd0?si=hyOA1es6bQYnAj91
Thank you Helene for remembering us other ‘Moms’ & our full hearts.
Happy Mother’s Day!
Thank you for the Big Salad post on motherless daughters. I did read the book “Motherless Daughters”
Anyone else feel super-ambivalent about Mother’s day? My mom made it such a big arfing deal, that my first thought about it is still the way she complained (crying!) about how I did Mother’s day wrong *when my first child was a newborn.* Literally, I celebrated HER wrong on MY first Mother’s day. That was a long long time ago, and she’s been gone for a long time, too, and I guess I just… need to let it go. Anyhow, hugs to any and all of you who aren’t feeling great about this weekend.
Suz I am sorry, I do hear you and you are far far from alone I think. My mum is becoming like that more as she ages. At first I struggled, and the way I let it go is that I try to do something really nice, something that to me, makes me a good mother. That’s how I get my head around this day. I’ve slightly changed what it is… it’s not me receiving but me being, a mother. Then it’s not about presents or what grand sign I get from my son, but it’s simply honouring the best part of me. Even if I feel like a failure in almost every way, I know I parent with the biggest heart and that’s important.
Yes to this! My mother was similar. So much yelling, passive aggression and silent treatment about how I didn’t display the right amount of appreciation that I began to dread it as both a child and adult. Today it’s my least favorite holiday and I never pressure my kids. A hug is wonderful enough for me.
Suz,
I feel you on this. I like to think of Mother’s Day as a celebration of the feminine spirit that nurtures and creates everywhere in the world, rather than paying homage to a specific woman in your life. So Happy Feminine-Nurturing-Creative-Spirit Day to you!
I don’t care to celebrate for myself, but I do something for my Mom because it’s important to her. It’s taken YEARS to convince my kids that I truly don’t care and they’ve had any number of teachers etc disbelieve them… but every time I say it to someone, I feel like I’ve allowed them to think, OH! I can skip things? So, being obnoxious by nature, I like that part of it too.
Yes, I think the best compliments to receive are about things no one else notices. And incidentally, someone once told me I was “too analytical” when discussing movies we saw, so I needed the loving analysis one!
I absolutely looove that you’re an analyzer. Shows you are a deep thinker and a critical thinker, which is seriously lacking these days. I bet you’re really interesting to talk to. And honestly, anytime someone starts a sentence with “You’re too …”, that’s just flat-out, plain rude.
If anyone is looking for a meaningful donation this mother’s day (and there are many!!) consider the National Bail Out project which works to provide bail for those awaiting trial and specifically is in their third year of their Black Mama’s Day bail out.
https://www.nationalbailout.org/
https://www.law4blacklives.org/blackmamasbailout
Yesss! I’m a relatively new parent and have made it my Mother’s Day tradition to donate to Black Mamas Bail Out every year (and now my mom does it, too!). They usually work with organizers in my southern state among others so it’s extra special to be supporting fellow local moms. I’ve learned a lot about our county jail and the bail system just from their outreach every year. SO much admiration for the people who are freeing moms and reuniting them with their loved ones!
What a wonderful way to celebrate. Here is a song to go with it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ki1nvcNbYH8
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