Comments on: My Messy Road to Not Drinking

By: Megan

Megan — Wed, 25 Jun 2025 05:30:21 +0000

Beautifully written. One point of confusion for me: without any judgment attached to the word, I am surprised to hear that the author considers herself in a distinct bucket from “secret alcoholic.” The idea that someone whose headspace is so occupied by consuming alcohol and who drinks wine out of a mug during a meeting about sobriety considers themselves to not have an alcohol addiction – this confuses me? Again, not implying there’s anything morally right/wrong about the label of alcoholic, but I don’t understand that specific part, where the author draws a distinction between the “messy middle” and alcohol dependency.

By: Joanna D

Joanna D — Thu, 19 Jun 2025 13:26:35 +0000

Thank you, Kathleen, for sharing about your “messy middle.” I’ve been, as my therapist generously says, “playing” with sobriety for several years now, taking breaks from drinking for time periods of one day to over a month. For me, it’s been hard to let go of the idea of alcohol as a “treat” – when I frame it this way, of course I’m going to end up drinking at some point because I am a mom of young kids and gosh darn it, I deserve a treat! As I’ve entered my 40s, however, it’s been hitting differently and even two drinks makes me sluggish and irritable the next day.
One thing that has helped me a ton is the availability of delicious NA options. I can feel like I’m having a little treat and still feel good the next day.
I’ve also tried a mishmash of quit lit, podcasts and sober groups. The one I’ve found most helpful over the years is the Sober Powered podcast, which discusses the science behind how alcohol impacts our body and brain. Specifically, her recent episodes about how we
romanticize alcohol have resonated with me.
There are so many good reasons to step away from alcohol but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Sun, 01 Jun 2025 12:43:46 +0000

When I first starting dating my husband, I was living in new york city and having a glass of wine with dinner was just what you did, at least in the scene I had been socializing in. I vividly remember sitting down for about our 4th date and his subtle posture when I ordered a drink that 4th time (every time). He didn’t judge but more so was just surprised and had fun with it. It came time for him to meet my group of friends and we were meeting at bar I knew the bartender at. I drank too much that night out of social anxiety and ended up not paying as much attention to my now husband. I almost lost him, had I not built up the courage that next day to head to grand central to take our planned hike, despite feeling awful and knowing I needed to redeem myself and prove my commitment to this new relationship. From that point on, I didnt drink as much. There were moments however when I accidentally would drink a little more than I wanted due to social pressures and anxiety. At our wedding, I hadn’t eaten much and friends brought me glasses of wine, at the very end of the night I don’t remember every detail and regret that. Fast forward to having our kids, I stopped drinking basically since having our first baby and we’ve had three. I was able to use pregnancy and breast feeding as an excuse for the last 6 years. Recently however, I was at a neighborhood meeting and the host was persistent about fixing everyone cocktails. I ended up having half a glass of one of his many handed out. I felt horrible that next morning. Its almost as if not drinking (almost entirely) for many years allows you to be extra aware of your body. Needless to say, I would like that one to be my last taste of alcohol. I have lived a life where drinking was expected in the groups I was in, the culture pushed drinks, liquid confidence and liquid wit. It’s still expected out west, with a thriving brewery culture. However, when I turn and look inwards at my family, I wouldn’t want to put my focus anywhere else. I feel healthier, more energized and a better wife and mom giving them my 100%.

By: CIS103JacquelineBE

CIS103JacquelineBE — Wed, 02 Apr 2025 03:28:31 +0000

Thank you for sharing your determination and journey, it was inspiring. The whole “messy, mess, mess”, I get that. The year of trials, of conversations from within that says, I’m ok with it, I’m not okay with it, I’ll table it for now or I really need to stop, you are so right, I feel you when you talked about how much space that took up in your brain, in your life. I quit smoking 6 yrs ago and every day, I am so thankful. Like you, I revisit my smoker self, and the more times we talk, I realize how much I hated smoking long before I quit. I stand with you in that middle bucket, with grace.

By: Happy

Happy — Thu, 27 Mar 2025 19:23:20 +0000

I loved reading this, and wanted to say I related to most everything the writer shared. Drinking took up too much of my mental energy. I was tired of wrestling with myself every day about it. I sought support of a coach, and it was incredibly helpful. I highly recommend getting support or just having a call with a coach just to see what it’s like My coach was Dani at https://www.joinselfmade.co
I am over a year alcohol-free, and there is nothing like this feeling of clarity and freedom.

By: Candice031

Candice031 — Sat, 22 Mar 2025 18:29:57 +0000

In reply to Karina.

You only need your own permission (but you have mine as well).
Good luck!